MHAW’21 Guest Talk: “Mindful Self-Compassion Mini-Workshop” by Carmen Teo

by Tan Shian En

Society often emphasises being kind to others, but have we considered being kind to ourselves?

Self-compassion tends to be an overlooked topic in the high-stress environment of Singapore. Hence, as part of Mental Health Awareness Week, Peer Helpers and students alike tuned in to a Zoom talk by Ms Carmen Teo, founder and director of the Mindful Insights Mindfulness and Compassion Training Programs, on self-compassion and mindfulness.

Self-compassion

Ms Teo started off by giving participants a scenario: a friend has been feeling upset, or unworthy. What would they say to this friend? She then invited participants to consider a time that they themselves had been feeling down, or worthless. What do we typically say to themselves in the face of failures or disappointments? Are we kinder to our friends than themselves?

In fact, 78% of people are kinder to others than themselves. This led Ms Teo to introduce to participants self-compassion: treating ourselves as we would like others to treat us, or treating ourselves with the same kindness as we would a friend when things go wrong.

Self-compassion consists 3 components:

• Mindfulness: being aware of how we are feeling as we are feeling it.

• Self-kindness: being understanding and supportive towards ourselves.

• Connectedness/common humanity: knowing that we are not alone when we face difficult situations.

Ms Teo then shared the benefits of practising self-compassion: it leads to greater happiness and better relationships, less stress, and more resilience. Delving deeper into the physiology of self-criticism versus self-compassion, she explained that self-criticism activates our threat-defense system, inducing the fight or flight response. This releases adrenaline and cortisol, and such responses can affect our health in the long-term if they occur too frequently. However, it can be counteracted by the mammalian caregiving system, whereby a soothing or comforting touch, gentle vocalizations, and kind words to oneself can make one feel safe and secure.

Self-touch

Ms Teo then led a demonstration of hand gestures, where different gestures induce different emotions. For instance, the tightening of both fists causes discomfort, which is a metaphor for self-criticism. In contrast, holding out our palms and facing them upwards results in a more calm, relaxed posture, and is a metaphor for mindfulness. Another gesture is placing our palms on our chests, which gives us a sense of warmth and touch; this is a metaphor for self compassion.

Putting this into practice, participants then had “a moment for me” practice, where they spent some time with their hands over their chests, or stroking their own cheek, considering the feeling of self-comfort. While this was a largely new experience for participants, they quickly settled into the short practice session and engaged in the benefits of self-touch.

Ms Teo also stressed the “yin-yang” approach to achieve a balance between self-comfort and self-motivation or protection in self-touch. For instance, instead of placing both hands on our chest, we could make a fist with one hand and place it on our chest, before placing our other hand, with the palm open, on the fist.

Putting it all together

To synthesise all that was covered during the talk, Ms Teo once again invited participants to visualise a difficult past experience which made them upset, taking them through the step-by-step process to dealing with such challenges.

1. Mindful acceptance: “This is a moment of difficulty”.

   1. Telling ourselves this is a difficult moment validates what we are going through and brings it into our awareness.

2. Common humanity: “Difficulty is part of life”.

   1. Tell ourselves that feeling hurt or pain is part of being human, and that we are not alone.

3. Soothing or comforting touch.

4. Self-kindness: “May I be kind to myself”.

   1. Tell ourselves what we would say to a friend.

It was certainly a fruitful sharing for all the participants, who had the opportunity to learn more about mindful self-compassion, and understand its significance to mental well-being. We would like to thank Ms Carmen Teo for taking the time to share with us all her insights!